Offbeat

7 Essential Business Skills to Survive the Zombie Apocalypse

by . November 4th, 2014

From The Walking Dead, World War Z, to The Last of Us, there seems to be no stopping the American fascination of zombies.

You can say that this actual obsession with mindless walking bones and guts is as infectious as the zombie virus itself. And with the recent Ebola virus that recently have come stateside, this fascination might just become a reality.

Or maybe not.

But the fascination on zombies, walkers, or whatnot would still live (or stay undead! Hello? Anyone? I’ll see myself out…).

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Photo credit: Universal Studios

The zombie apocalypse, or any lesser apocalypses, is actually a serious (and profitable) business. Recently, there is a boom on industrial grade protective gear such as gloves and hazmat suits because of fear of being infected with Ebola. There is also a huge demand among survivalist or “preppers” for guns and ammo to stockpile. There is the occasional insurance in case of a class 3 zombie outbreak. And then, there’s Florida.

You might think that entrepreneurs would be the first to be bitten and the first to be zombified. You’re probably right. Although business people are more likely to exercise than nurses and schoolteachers and second least likely to be obese, we aren’t really equipped with the necessary skills to survive the impending walker cataclysm.

Or are we?

Here’s a list of essential business skills or concepts that might just help you in case the zombie apocalypse hits.

1. Mind your surroundings.

One of the first steps in assessing if a business venture is feasible is the environment analysis. What is the status quo of the industry? What are the trends that can be seen? Where can we possibly position the business? The entrepreneur is trained to analyze the environment, constantly in the lookout to see patterns, and possibly deduce where the walkers are. Hopefully.

2. Understand your competitors. They want to eat you.

Good entrepreneurs have this power to identify the strengths and weaknesses of direct and indirect competitors and the strategies that could give competitive advantage. Although, in the case of a zombie outbreak, you’re fighting for your life. So that might give you incentive for a more in-depth analysis.

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Photo credit: Screencap from World War Z

3. You’re only as good as your use of resources.

Sure, we may not be MacGyvers but we have the ability to adapt to changing environments given the resources that we have. Everything, your tangible assets, your team talents, all of these are resources that you could use. Knowing what you can use when you need it can be a sliver of difference between life and death.

4. Opportunity knocks, scratches, and bites.

The entrepreneur thrives in scarcity. And if there’s one specific time when demand is at its all-time high, that would be the zombie apocalypse. Business would be reduced to just barter trade by then. And knowing what would be profitable in the long run might just let you survive. At least for a little longer.

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Photo credit: Screencap from The Last of Us

5. Know your Unique Selling Proposition.

… or should I say, Unique Zombie Survival Skill Proposition.

What makes you distinct from the other survivors? What can you do that other people in your group cannot? Your inventory skills might be handy in managing supplies. Your motivational speaking might just give a group their needed push to survive. And your leadership skills would be the much needed cohesive force to stay whole. Knowing your UZSSP would be useful in my next point.

6. There is power in Powerpoint.

So now you know your unique selling proposition. What next? Use your presentation skills.

Wait. What?

Yes, your Keynote and Powerpoint skills will come in handy when presenting your Unique Zombie Survival Skill Proposition. Of course you probably have used it to promote your business on would-be investors but that’s similar with presenting your USP to a group of survivors. Though of course, it’s no longer profit that you are vying for. It’s your life.

Jesse Eisenberg stars in Columbia Pictures' comedy ZOMBIELAND.

Photo credit: Screencap from Zombieland

7. When in doubt, know your way out.

Yes, I got it from Rule #22 of Zombieland, I know. But a good entrepreneur almost always knows the way out. In starting a business, it is inevitable that we invest something to earn something. Time, money, effort, you name it. But we all know that not all investments turn to profit. Thus, it is important to always have an exit strategy in case things go south.

Changing trends cause your stock investment to fall? Sell your stocks. Your ecommerce site becoming obsolete because of new technology? Ditch it and invest on the new tech. Probable zombie attack on your nearest grocery story? Prop a box to have an open door to run too. Just beware of Wichita and Little Rock.

CHECK OUT: I Find Your Lack Of Pessimism Disturbing

Do you have any startup business zombie apocalypse survival tips? Hit us in the comments!

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